What To Do When We Get A “No”

We all have something we’re passionate about. If we’re lucky, we get to pursue that passion in our current work. For me, it’s leveraging new technologies and new processes to make a difference in the world. No matter what we love to do, there’s going to come a time where we get a “no.”

The “no” might be to a proposal. It might be a “no” to a sales call. It might be to an idea. We might get a “no” when we ask for more budget. It could be an informal or subtle “no” to a request for your leader to lead or clarify the vision & mission of your organization. There are all types of “no.” While some of these are easier to accept than others, there are several things I think we can do when we get them:

1. Accept it, submit, and move forward.

There are times where the “no” addresses a preference or a request that isn’t all that significant. We might have a way that we’d prefer and would love to get our way with a “yes,” however a “no” to the preference isn’t that big of a deal.

There might be other situations where we strongly disagree with the “no,” but the best thing is still to trust the leadership that God has put in place over us and, though disappointed, need to submit to that leadership.

2. Change our request.

It might be that we’re getting a “no” because the other person doesn’t know what we’re asking for. Or, perhaps, we don’t really know what it is we’re asking for. Maybe our need is unclear. Could it be restated? If there were clarity, would it lead to a “yes?”

Most of the time we’re headed toward the same goal as the person giving us the “no” and it could be that the other person knows better than we do. When such is the case, we need to either change our request or accept the “no” and move forward (back to #1).

3. Find the “yes” behind the “no”

I heard this phrase one time and it has changed the way I think about “no’s” – both the ones I’ve given and the “no’s” I’ve received. Behind every “no” is a “yes.”

For example, when I was Communications Director at Calvary Church, I often received requests that I had to decline. It almost seemed like my main job function was to say “no.” Maybe we didn’t have the staff or resources to fulfill the request. Maybe the request didn’t fit our mission. Things worked out best when I could give a “yes” behind the “no.”

• No, we can’t make you a brochure, but we do (yes!) have a brochure template that you can drop your content into.
• No, we can’t give you a platform announcement this weekend because there are a couple of items that are more urgent/higher priority, but we can (yes!) put your event on the website home page and in the weekly e-newsletter.

The same idea can be applied when we receive a “no” from others. If our manager gives us a “no” to a budget request for new software, maybe we can turn it into a yes if we can find a way to offset the cost. When a leader, for example, gives us a “no” to casting a clearer vision, is there something we can do to help them say yes? Perhaps we can write up a set of expectations, parameters, or a vision document that helps them give us what we need? Get a “no” on an idea for a new program or system? Find the reason for the “no.” It’s often linked to some fear or sense of damage that could occur from saying “yes.” People are conditioned to avoid risk – so if our “yes” seems risky, it’ll come back as a “no.”

There is always a “yes” behind the “no!” If we’re creative, we can find it and leverage it to turn the “no” into a “yes.”

4. Stand up for our convictions.

There are some times when we are right and the person giving us the “no” is wrong. In these instances, we need to humbly stand our ground and stand up for what we believe. It helps if there is a relational history of grace and if we have a mutual trust with those we’re pushing against.

It’s also important to know that we can’t dip into this well very often or we will lose credibility and we will bankrupt the relational account.

Having stated that, I firmly believe God has created each of us with unique gifts and abilities. He gives each of us convictions. We need to honor him by standing up for those convictions. Also, we were likely put in the position we currently hold because someone values our knowledge, expertise, and giftedness in an area. Our opinions are valuable and any healthy organization will encourage healthy, unfiltered debate and will want push-back.

5. Get off the bus

If it comes right down to it and we believe the “no” goes against principles and convictions that God has given us, and we can’t find the “yes” behind the “no,” we need to move on. I have few regrets in life, but most of them go back to when I let fear drive my decision to stay on a bus that was going to a place where I knew I wasn’t called to be.

Image Credit: Dimitri Castrique

We owe it to ourselves to be a part of something we are 100% on board with. Life is too short to cheat ourselves (and God) out of our best. We need to be hustling toward the vision we’ve been given. We also owe it to the person giving us the “no” to get out of their way and let them find someone who agrees with them.

My experience has been (and continues to be even now) that when we do the right thing in responding to a “no,” God honors those actions and blesses our lives.

Have you every received a “no?” How did you respond? Is there anything I missed? I’d love your input in the comments!